Today I had a conversation with a friend whom I hadn't talked to in about a year and a half. Of course, this is not an unusual circumstance. There are many people whom I have been out of touch with for a long time, and I will probably reconnect with them in future conversations. This friend happened to be my old Bible study leader from my freshman year of college. He has long since graduated, but still lives in Davis. We talked about the past memories, mutual friends, and our plans for the future. Fairly typical conversation material. Nonetheless, it was relaxing to sit in the warm winter sun and talk. Incidentally, Davis has experienced record highs in temperature for this time of year. Usually it rains pretty much daily for the entirety of winter quarter.
It's weird to contemplate life after college. For me, it will probably involve more school, but things will be different. Life in grad school is not like undergraduate life from what I hear. It is interesting to talk to my friends who have already graduated. Some decide to travel the world, others settle down in one place. Some have jobs, others are still looking. Some decide to get married, and others are comfortably single (or uncomfortably). Life after college is an infinite cloud of possibility, so I create artificial plans in order to keep myself from being overwhelmed.
The sad thing about leaving college for me is that you seem to lose a part of your identity. The friends you made may or may not be able to stay in touch with you, but no matter what, the nature of your relationship will change. You are no longer a student, thus you must switch from absorbing information to producing something that is valuable to society (or at least pretending to). I am not saying that I believe learning stops. One of the most encouraging things I have ever heard someone say is that you never stop learning. I'm only saying that the context and nature of the learning will probably change.
But despite all this, leaving college is just a form of change. With change comes a kind of loss, but it is also possible to view this as a kind of gain. I will no longer be a college student, but a (who knows) who once was a college student. In a way, I will be both, because there is still a part of me that has experienced college. Change is one of the constant characteristics of life, so it is good to embrace it. Everything is shifting, but we can still enjoy the memories of the past, the beauty of now, and the hope of the future. To quote Kung Fu Panda, a movie I recently saw and admittedly enjoyed:
"The past has already been lost, and the future we cannot grasp. But now.... now is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
How's that for some westernized eastern wisdom? I like it. :-)
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Mouse Castrations, Grad School, and Kenya
So, it seems this is going to end up being an actual blog, rather than a creative writing outlet.
In an effort to keep in that spirit, though, I am going to write the first part of this update as if it was a novel.
It was 12:49pm on Tyler's digital clock. As the 49 changed to 50, his heart jumped. He was going to perform a surgery today, and unlike last time, the mouse had to live. As he walked out of the house, he noticed his housemates playing Super Smash Brothers. He wished that he could just kick back and relax with them instead of doing what he had to do. Then he remembered that he didn't even like video games. As he got on his bike and headed to class he mentally prepared himself for the surgery, reviewing the steps in his head. "Inject the mouse in the peritoneal cavity at a concentration of 0.01 mL/g...shave the mouse from the penis to the base of the ribcage... sutures should be made at the base of the testis... tuck the fat pad back into the body cavity..."
He arrived at the Animal Science Teaching Facility 10 minutes before class began. In the last 10 minutes, he reviewed the procedure to make sure he wasn't missing anything. Finally, the minute hand ticked over to 1:10pm. The TA started to speak.
"Ok class, we are going to perform the survival surgery today..." he began, speaking in a soft Sri Lankan accent. He continued on in this fashion until he said something that made Tyler simulataneously horrified and relieved.
"If you are either on the waitlist, or did not complete the practice surgery, I ask that you do not participate in the survival surgery. We have a moral obligation to minimize the harm done to these animals..."
Now Tyler was faced with a dilemma. Last time, he had only removed one testicle. Technically that meant that he had not completed the surgery. Perhaps the mouse only had one testicle to begin with. On the other hand, he didn't want to injure the mouse or screw it up like last time. But he wanted to prove himself...
"Ok class, castrations on this side, vasectomies on the other side."
In the end, Tyler decided to tell the TA he had not completed the surgery, and so he was able to watch someone else do it. He still felt disappointed in himself though, because he didn't have a chance to prove to himself that he could do it. "It seems," he thought, "that life can be seen as a delicate balance between taking risks and considering the consequences of those risks. In this case, I risked looking foolish in front of my classmates in exchange for not taking the risk of injuring an animal."
So that's what happened, if you're interested. There is a part of me that wishes I had gone ahead and risked injuring the mouse, because there was a good chance I would have done a pretty darn good job. But I will never know. Guess I just didn't have the balls this time around. *laughter*
Speaking of risks, I just finished completing my two applications to grad school. I applied to very different programs. The first is a Master of Biotechnology program at Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois. The second is the Master of Theology program at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California. I've noticed that people have one of three reactions to this. They either wonder at the strangeness of applying to such disparate schools, they adamantly push one over the other, or they like my plan.
Many of my friends at school tell me that they could definitely see me in seminary. Futhermore they don't think I would be satisfied with a scientific career. Many people in my family tell me that I should pursue biotechnology, especially considering the economy. I had my old boss from Genentech tell me that he could definitely see me doing science. He also told me that I should apply to more science grad programs to even the odds. I agree with him, but I also chose Northwestern's program because it fits me perfectly should I choose to pursue science. At this point, I don't know if I'll even be accepted at either school. I know that I am passionate about both, and I don't think that I'll be happy if I only pursue one.
In the midst of all this, I am in the process of applying to participate in a short term mission trip to Kenya. If I go, I will spend the month of August living in an isolated Kenyan village. The team will be providing medical supplies, health seminars and construction work for the villagers, in addition to a Vacation Bible School. The trip is pretty expensive, so I have to raise support. As part of the application, I had to list the names of 80 people that could potentially support me. That was quite a harrowing task. I didn't realize I even knew 80 people. In any case, I would really like to do this. It would be cool to be able to serve people in both a physical and spiritual sense. I hope God wills that I go.
In an effort to keep in that spirit, though, I am going to write the first part of this update as if it was a novel.
It was 12:49pm on Tyler's digital clock. As the 49 changed to 50, his heart jumped. He was going to perform a surgery today, and unlike last time, the mouse had to live. As he walked out of the house, he noticed his housemates playing Super Smash Brothers. He wished that he could just kick back and relax with them instead of doing what he had to do. Then he remembered that he didn't even like video games. As he got on his bike and headed to class he mentally prepared himself for the surgery, reviewing the steps in his head. "Inject the mouse in the peritoneal cavity at a concentration of 0.01 mL/g...shave the mouse from the penis to the base of the ribcage... sutures should be made at the base of the testis... tuck the fat pad back into the body cavity..."
He arrived at the Animal Science Teaching Facility 10 minutes before class began. In the last 10 minutes, he reviewed the procedure to make sure he wasn't missing anything. Finally, the minute hand ticked over to 1:10pm. The TA started to speak.
"Ok class, we are going to perform the survival surgery today..." he began, speaking in a soft Sri Lankan accent. He continued on in this fashion until he said something that made Tyler simulataneously horrified and relieved.
"If you are either on the waitlist, or did not complete the practice surgery, I ask that you do not participate in the survival surgery. We have a moral obligation to minimize the harm done to these animals..."
Now Tyler was faced with a dilemma. Last time, he had only removed one testicle. Technically that meant that he had not completed the surgery. Perhaps the mouse only had one testicle to begin with. On the other hand, he didn't want to injure the mouse or screw it up like last time. But he wanted to prove himself...
"Ok class, castrations on this side, vasectomies on the other side."
In the end, Tyler decided to tell the TA he had not completed the surgery, and so he was able to watch someone else do it. He still felt disappointed in himself though, because he didn't have a chance to prove to himself that he could do it. "It seems," he thought, "that life can be seen as a delicate balance between taking risks and considering the consequences of those risks. In this case, I risked looking foolish in front of my classmates in exchange for not taking the risk of injuring an animal."
So that's what happened, if you're interested. There is a part of me that wishes I had gone ahead and risked injuring the mouse, because there was a good chance I would have done a pretty darn good job. But I will never know. Guess I just didn't have the balls this time around. *laughter*
Speaking of risks, I just finished completing my two applications to grad school. I applied to very different programs. The first is a Master of Biotechnology program at Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois. The second is the Master of Theology program at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California. I've noticed that people have one of three reactions to this. They either wonder at the strangeness of applying to such disparate schools, they adamantly push one over the other, or they like my plan.
Many of my friends at school tell me that they could definitely see me in seminary. Futhermore they don't think I would be satisfied with a scientific career. Many people in my family tell me that I should pursue biotechnology, especially considering the economy. I had my old boss from Genentech tell me that he could definitely see me doing science. He also told me that I should apply to more science grad programs to even the odds. I agree with him, but I also chose Northwestern's program because it fits me perfectly should I choose to pursue science. At this point, I don't know if I'll even be accepted at either school. I know that I am passionate about both, and I don't think that I'll be happy if I only pursue one.
In the midst of all this, I am in the process of applying to participate in a short term mission trip to Kenya. If I go, I will spend the month of August living in an isolated Kenyan village. The team will be providing medical supplies, health seminars and construction work for the villagers, in addition to a Vacation Bible School. The trip is pretty expensive, so I have to raise support. As part of the application, I had to list the names of 80 people that could potentially support me. That was quite a harrowing task. I didn't realize I even knew 80 people. In any case, I would really like to do this. It would be cool to be able to serve people in both a physical and spiritual sense. I hope God wills that I go.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Surgery
So this is the first post that could actually be considered a legitimate blog entry. I had what I consider a fairly significant experience today, so I thought I would share it with the online community.
Today, I performed my first, and hopefully penultimate, surgery ever. The penultimate part will make sense later. Of course, the surgery was on a mouse, and I botched it horribly. It was actually quite a sobering experience. What happened, you ask?
Well, the surgery was a castration, so had the mouse lived he would never have had babies again thanks to me. But since the mice were going to be euthanized anyways, the fact that he would not reproduce was a little irrelevant. Things started out well. After some chasing around the cage, and help from my classmate who assisted me, I was able to grab the mouse and keep him steady enough to aenesthetize him. He became immobile fairly quickly, and so I began the surgery. Let me tell you, I am so grateful that the poor mouse was scheduled to be euthanized after being subjected to my inexperienced hands. After fumbling around with his viscera for an inordinate amoung of time, I was able to remove one testis. At this point, though, the mouse started to regain consciousness! Luckily the TA was able to anesthetize him before he regained full consciousness, but he was twitching for a while until he was immobile again. The pained expression of my classmate assistant as the mouse jerked about is still uncomfortably vivid in my mind. To top it all off, I couldn't find the second testis! So my mouse still had one ball when I stiched him up. Furthermore, the castration was the simple surgery. Half of the class did the vasectomy, which was way harder. I couldn't even find the Vas Deferens in all that mess. I think I'm going to have nightmares about waking up to mice performing a botched castration on me!
Next week, I am going to perform this surgery again, but this time, the mice are not scheduled to be euthanized. The object is for them to live. I have gained a whole new level of respect for people who do this every day of their lives, and quite honestly at this point, I never want to cut up a living thing again. Hopefully I'll be ready to do this by next week, but in the meantime, I am trying to soak up all I can on proper surgical technique. I want my mouse to live, darn it!
I come away from this for an appreciation for the deep-rooted desire for life that we all share, and the profound feeling that though we may feign to play God, we are as blind worms when it comes to our understanding of His creation. Of course, I also learned that I am a bad surgeon. But who knows, maybe I'll get better!
Today, I performed my first, and hopefully penultimate, surgery ever. The penultimate part will make sense later. Of course, the surgery was on a mouse, and I botched it horribly. It was actually quite a sobering experience. What happened, you ask?
Well, the surgery was a castration, so had the mouse lived he would never have had babies again thanks to me. But since the mice were going to be euthanized anyways, the fact that he would not reproduce was a little irrelevant. Things started out well. After some chasing around the cage, and help from my classmate who assisted me, I was able to grab the mouse and keep him steady enough to aenesthetize him. He became immobile fairly quickly, and so I began the surgery. Let me tell you, I am so grateful that the poor mouse was scheduled to be euthanized after being subjected to my inexperienced hands. After fumbling around with his viscera for an inordinate amoung of time, I was able to remove one testis. At this point, though, the mouse started to regain consciousness! Luckily the TA was able to anesthetize him before he regained full consciousness, but he was twitching for a while until he was immobile again. The pained expression of my classmate assistant as the mouse jerked about is still uncomfortably vivid in my mind. To top it all off, I couldn't find the second testis! So my mouse still had one ball when I stiched him up. Furthermore, the castration was the simple surgery. Half of the class did the vasectomy, which was way harder. I couldn't even find the Vas Deferens in all that mess. I think I'm going to have nightmares about waking up to mice performing a botched castration on me!
Next week, I am going to perform this surgery again, but this time, the mice are not scheduled to be euthanized. The object is for them to live. I have gained a whole new level of respect for people who do this every day of their lives, and quite honestly at this point, I never want to cut up a living thing again. Hopefully I'll be ready to do this by next week, but in the meantime, I am trying to soak up all I can on proper surgical technique. I want my mouse to live, darn it!
I come away from this for an appreciation for the deep-rooted desire for life that we all share, and the profound feeling that though we may feign to play God, we are as blind worms when it comes to our understanding of His creation. Of course, I also learned that I am a bad surgeon. But who knows, maybe I'll get better!
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