October 2009

Well, it's been a while since I updated my blog, so I thought I'd regale you all with inane details about my life. You know, "you all"- that staggeringly numerous group of people that follow my blog.

Basically last time I posted on here, I had changed course and decided to defer enrollment to my Master's program at Northwestern. I had hoped to find a job working in a lab and apply to some PhD programs. But then Kenya happened. Also, the bad economy happened.

So I find myself living at home*, working at Starbucks, and making plans for a somewhat different career path than I had originally intended. It's been a long and complex road, filled with uncertainty and frustration, but also full of blessings if I look closely.

The short of it is this: I am planning to join the Peace Corps and get a Master of Public Health degree. After this I hope to spend some time working as an Epidemiologist. Whether that is in the States or abroad, I am not sure yet. And then, even further down the road, I would like to teach in a university setting, which would probably involve getting a PhD in something.

The thing is, I don't know if I would like to teach theology or science.
And that is the big issue in all of this. The question of seminary keeps popping up.** One thing that I realized was that I keep running towards it as a safety net if things don't work out the way I want. This stems from some sort of weird illusion in my head that theology is less of a challenge than science. I know for a fact that this isn't true.

This whole process has been really significant for me. For one thing, I've been forced, for what might be the first time in my life, to think about what I really want to do. I've been forced to examine my motives and look at my strengths. So far, this is what I've learned.

1. I can take an interest in many things. I can commit to very few. (I learned that in college- but it takes on a whole new dimension when it comes to career/life decisions)
2. Going to grad school just to prove something is a terrible idea.
3. Going to grad school to prove something is part of the reason I want to go
4. If I examine all of my motives for doing something, at least one or two of them will be bad
5. Simultaneously, some of my motives will be good. The trick is being honest about which direction the scales are tipping.
6. God is bigger than my plans
7. I owe the fact that this sunk in to the wisdom of another person. That's ok.

This list could probably continue for much longer. You might be curious about my good motives for going to grad school.

Here is the best one: If I can attain a degree that gives me the expertise to increase the efficiency with which diseases are recognized, identify the factors associated with that disease, and use that information to efficiently quarantine and prevent further outbreaks of the disease, I will have made the world a slightly better place to live in some small way. Knowing that I can use something I am interested in to help people is exciting to me. It would top the whole thing off if I could teach people about that so that they may improve upon what has already been done.

Here's the problem though: If I can attain a degree that give me the expertise to define the Trinity in all its subtlety, and then illuminate this in a way that brings people closer to God, then I will have given some people the tools to be happier. Knowing that I can use something I am interested in to bring people closer to God is exciting to me. If I could teach that, it would be awesome.

I don't want to even touch how preventing disease can bring people closer to God. (wouldn't death do that, technically?)

The main point is this. My best reason for going to grad school is that when I have attained the degree, I will be in a better position to help large amounts of people while doing something that interests me.

Here's the problem though: Right now I am working at Starbucks. Every day I make a drink, and when somebody consumes that drink, I like to think they are a little happier. I didn't need a college degree for that. To be honest, for right now, I like making drinks for people. It's interesting. Now it's entirely possible that I will soon get bored of this job, but for now, working there is pleasing to me. It's fast-paced, people oriented, and friendly.

Maybe the whole picture makes a little more sense now. God is bigger than our plans. I have wasted many words telling you about my thoughts, maybe a few feelings. At the end of this year, I will probably be going to grad school to get an MPH. After that, I will probably be going to the Peace Corps. But I don't know. Only God does. The best thing I can do is try to follow along on the path that He lays out for me. Of course, this is a trickier statement than it would seem to be...

*euphemism for "parent's house" the most dreaded fate of college graduates
**As a side note, I was finally accepted into the MA in Theology program at Fuller