Change O'Plans

I've had a lot of time to think while I've been home post-college graduation trying to find shelter and work in Chicago while planning out how I am going to afford a highly expensive education at Northwestern. Yes, you read that correctly. One of the crazy thoughts that rolled about in my head was deferring my enrollment. As soon as that thought entered my head, everything seemed to fall into place. I guess I should start at the beginning.

I didn't really think I was going to get into grad school at all. My GPA was not exactly anything to brag about, and though I had research experience, I thought it would be easy to see that I hadn't accomplished anything of substance in my undergraduate career, as far as it relates to my potential to succeed in grad school. My GRE scores were good enough to get me letters from random programs, and the Master of Biotechnology Program (MBP) at Northwestern was one of those letters. But, I thought that once a school looked at my GPA and CV, they would never accept me. Plus, I hadn't shmoozed with enough professors to get them to write me a letter of rec. So, I let the application deadline pass, assuming that I would just find a job somewhere.

Somewhere near the end of fall quarter I decided I needed to have some sort of post-graduation plan, even if it wasn't optimal. So I decided to apply to the Master's program at Northwestern and to seminary. I was really leaning towards seminary, but I thought that I did not put myself through the exorbitantly expensive GRE for nothing. Turns out, I was able to get letters of rec from a few professors and my mentor from my internship at Genentech. All I could do was cross my fingers (halfheartedly).

It's weird how life is consistently unexpected. You'd think that would make it more predictable (just expect what you don't expect), but I guess then the whole thing would collapse into logical absurdity. I ended up facing a lot of red tape with seminary, and the ball really started moving with the MBP. I should say it wasn't totally passive. There were several emails sent back and forth between myself and the program coordinater regarding scheduling an interview (I was worried about paying for the flight out there if I didn't have a good chance of getting in-the fact that weren't willing to pay for that was probably the first bad sign, but I had pretty low self-esteem regarding my grad school options at that point). Anyways, I found myself accepted to Northwestern, and in limbo regarding seminary (bad pun, sorry).

So, I headed out to Chicago and I checked out the campus. The campus was beautiful, and I fell in love with the city. That made it difficult though, because I wasn't sold on the program. After much back and forth, I grew tired of the indecision, and I decided to go for it with Northwestern.

Problem is, tuition was super expensive. I was able to receive a significant offer of financial aid in the form of Federal loans, but that still didn't cover the total cost. The program did not cover tuition, nor did they offer TA or RA position to help defray the cost. I was thinking about these problems right up until I had to move out of the AGO house. While doing that, I uncovered a letter that I had received a while ago from the University of Rochester Medical Center about their PhD program in Toxicology. Unlike the MBP, this program offered full financial coverage. I mentally hit myself over the head for totally ignoring this, as I apparently had. I had probably assumed that I didn't have a shot at getting into a PhD program, even though the idea of getting a PhD had been a little gnawing desire deep within me for a few years.

So I put the letter away, and didn't think about it again until after all the graduation hoopla had passed, and sat down to figure out how I was going to pay for Northwestern, all the while rushing to find a job and an apartment for when I was living in Chicago. Then the idea came. I could defer, get a job in a lab, and earn money to pay for the program. In the meantime, I could apply to some PhD programs and see if I can get in. Of course, this idea came with a lot of "if's". If I get a job in a lab, then I could get the experience to apply to a PhD program, assuming my research is sound... etc. But the idea just seemed right. I needed time to figure things out anyway. I needed to time to prove that I could survive on my own without the green-colored apron strings which had supported me through college. Not to say that those strings wouldn't be cut if I went to grad school, just that they would be definitely be cut if I got a job.

Well, anyways, that's where I stand. I haven't actually deferred my enrollment, but it is more than likely at this point that this is what I am going to do. This whole process has given me more confidence that applying to grad school is not as much of a lost cause as I thought, and now I can give more focus and drive to the process. I am stepping out on a limb here, but I believe it is the right thing to do, and I trust that God has me in his hands. In the meantime, I'm getting pretty excited to go to Africa! But, I've got to sleep, I've got work in the morning, and let me tell you, construction work is definitely not lab work!

Commencement!

Yesterday was the commencement ceremony for the College of Agricultural and Environmental Sciences, which for some reason oversees my major. It's embarrassing to admit, but I got choked up. This makes no sense, because I don't feel as if I have accomplished much by graduating from college. I feel like I still have to prove myself, like there is more to do before I can pat myself on the back. But my emotions did not follow from anything directly related to the ceremony. Firstly, I am a sucker for stirring music, no matter how cheesy it is. Second, I am a sucker for any kind of ritual, which is probably why I was attracted to the fraternity life in the first place. Very embarrassing, especially for someone who supposedly has a technical bent. I'm almost certain that is the explanation for getting choked up. As a side note, the robes you wear for a Ph.D. are much cooler than the Bachelor's degree robes. Kind of makes me want to get a Ph.D. just for that.

Well, anyways, I should get to sleep. I'll write more later.

Final Finals

Tomorrow, I embark on my last journey through the land of finals as an undergraduate student. This last trip shouldn't be too difficult. After all, only one of my finals is actually a sit down 200 point deal. My genomics class doesn't have a final, and my animal ethics class has a take home final.

So goodbye for now. When I emerge again, I will be a beautiful alumnus butterfly!