Tahoe! (and some resulting introspection)

I had made big plans to road trip out to Seattle this past weekend, but unfortunately, huge snowstorms in the Cascades prevented this from happening. Ironically, Seattle itself was sunny the whole weekend. Tangentially, out of all of the times I have visited Seattle, it has been sunny 90% of the time. Guess I just bring that California sunshine right along with me. (yes, I know it's a sappy sentiment, and I don't apologize for it... I'm proud of being a Californian.)

Anyways, instead of getting stuck in snowstorms in the Cascades, I decided to do the same thing in the Sierras. Some good family friends had their annual ski trip in Tahoe, and they invited me along. I needed to get away from Davis, so I jumped on that invitation.

Normally, it takes about 2 hours to get from Davis to Tahoe if you take highway 80. Due to the inclement weather, it took us much longer. They picked me up at about 6:30am, and we didn't get to the cabin until about 1:00pm. But once we got there, we had a great time.

Let me pause here and give a plug for a drink called a "hot toddy." As I understand it, the drink is basically bourbon and apple cider. I had a pretty bad cold when I drank it, but as soon as I took the first sip, I cleared right up! Of course, you should probably take my advice with a grain of salt, according to this article from Wikipedia. This article also gives more accurate information on what the drink actually is.

Anyways, I had a great time skiing and spending time with friends. If you let me, I could gush on and on about the family friends that I went with. The mom is so caring and has such a deep faith. The dad is a man's man. He gets done what he needs to get done, and doesn't waste too much time with unnecessary talking, but you still know that he cares about his family. The children (five of them) are all so fun and smart. It is so great to hang out with them. I've known their oldest daughter essentially since we were born. She is awesome, and continues to increase in awesomeness the longer I know her. I am really grateful to have friends like them.

Having to go back home was actually pretty depressing. Seeing the love that my friends experienced and shared in their family reminded me of the impoverished state of my relationships in Davis. Also, I had a fun time with them and missed them. But getting back to my dissatisfaction with my social life in Davis, I am exaggerating quite a bit to call my relationships impoverished. The problem is mostly me. I don't really spend a lot of time trying to get to know people, and for the most part, I don't want to. I partially rationalize this by telling myself that I have to focus on getting good grades so that I can go to grad school. Deep down, though, I know that's not true. Truthfully, I am scared of relationships. I am scared of being hurt, manipulated, and rejected. I am also scared of doing those very things to someone else. At least, I was scared at one point. I think it's more like tired now. The fact is, pain, manipulation, and rejection are just parts of human relationships. If we didn't take that risk, we would all just own dogs and find relational fulfillment in that. We risk all the bad stuff because we can find great joy, love, and acceptance from other people. But I am tired of what seems like a long line of pain. I don't feel like I have enough energy to reject and be rejected. Of course, in admitting this, I am also admitting that I am looking at the whole picture upside down.

Let me emphasize that I have excellent friends in Davis, as well as many excellent potential friends. I am mostly saying that two things. One, I have been a supremely poor friend. Two, seeing my old friends made me realize that there is something better than what I have, and I didn't even realize it. I heard a great quote in a sermon this week and I think it gives a pretty good response to this rant.
"We make a living by what we get. What we give makes a life."